Mystery, Ne?
by antilogicgirl
Summary: There's something fishy going on at Snake Mountain Amuseument Park. Evil Henchmen stalkers, brainwashing carnival rides, and Kiba's song and dance! Fun for everyone. [AU]
1. A New Case

**A/N: **Okay. Here's the newest of my crazed fanfiction. Here, we see the Naruto gang in a Scooby-Doo kind of situation. The bad guy is Orochimaru, of course. I hope you have as much fun with it as I had writing it. hehee. Warnings? There's a little bit of language that's too coarse for the younger audience, and some pervvy behavior, but other than that, nope.

**Legal Stuffiness: **I do not own Naruto, or any of the characters therein. Kishimoto Masashi, sole proprietor, and he owns my soul. I also do not own the songs "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" (Monty Python) and "Moon River" (Jonny Mercer).  
**

* * *

Mystery, Ne?

* * *

Chapter 1:** A New Case

* * *

"Put on your game face, ladies. They're back." The blonde waitress said. Every time the group in question came in, the restaurant made what she liked to call a 'helluvalot' of money. Of course, what else would you expect? The door opened, and framed the four people perfectly. They were known for their business, the Troubleshooters. But at Angelo's Pizzeria, they were simply the best customers a girl could ask for. Beyond good tippers, Ino always had to fight the other girls to be their waitress. But she almost always won. Like usual, she scrambled forward, greeting them before any of the others could. "Hello, table for five?" She had learned long ago that if she was going to seat the Troubleshooters, she had to provide a chair for the dog. 

"Hai, Ino-chan!" Kiba, the bedraggled dog-owner, said and threw a wink at her, making her blush. He wore his usual brown corduroy pants and a very rumpled green t-shirt, along with that stupid satchel, and carried the dog, Akamaru, on his shoulder. The pooch licked her cheek, and she giggled.

"Hehe. Come right this way, please." She led them back to their usual booth, in the back. Kiba fell in step behind her, with the rest of the group following. She watched as they seated themselves.

Naruto, the self-styled 'leader' of the group, seemed to wear nothing but blue, white, and orange _every day_. The eighteen-year-old wore a navy blue and white rugby shirt, tucked into carefully worn jeans, belted with a studded brown belt and that damned orange baseball cap that looked as if it had never been washed in the entire five years of him owning it. Ino didn't want to get too close to him. He seemed to be the type that would make his idiocy contagious.

Then, there was Sakura, whom she had known since grade-school. The girl looked just as she always did, her long bubble-gum pink hair tied back in a ponytail. A very tight black mini skirt had Naruto ogling her legs, and an equally fitted dark red blouse with long white sleeves gave him ample eye candy as well.

Sitting between Kiba and Sakura, and looking like she was trying to melt into the vinyl seat was Hinata, in her school uniform. Why she went to a private high school, none of them could fathom. She was the 'smart one' in the group. The girl looked up at Ino and smiled weakly, pushing up her glasses. She glanced to her left, as Kiba began eating the parmesan cheese from the shaker jar, and her smile turned apologetic.

"I guess you'll be needing breadsticks, ASAP?" Ino saw Hinata nod vigorously, and she left to get three orders of breadsticks. Just as she left, Hinata gave a quiet sneeze, which was followed by another, louder this time.

As Ino put in their order, she heard Sakura snap at Kiba. "How many times do I have to tell you, Kiba, don't do that in the van!"

Lazily, and probably with parmesan cheese spilling from his mouth, Kiba said, "It isn't my fault she's allergic to my doob—" He was cut off by an extremely loud sneeze from Hinata, and an apparent slap from Sakura. Akamaru barked. Ino shook her head. The dog-lover had a fondness for relaxation, of the illegal sort. It just so happened that his brand of relaxation was Hinata's one and only allergy. "She just opened the door to the Office, and got a little more than she bargained for." Another resounding sneeze probably had Kiba cringing, and Sakura fuming.

"Apologize, idiot!" Sakura was getting really angry, now, and Ino didn't envy Kiba.

Naruto finally said something. "Look, Kiba, all I ask is that you don't smoke in the Office. We _all_ have to ride in there, so you can't just do that whenever you want." Ino's estimation of the blonde went up, but only for a moment. When she returned to the table with three baskets of bread and their usual drink orders (not to mention antihistamines for Hinata), she saw that it was just Natuto trying to look slick in front of Sakura by pretending to be mature. Ino rolled her eyes and plunked Naruto's Hi C down in front of him. "Thanks, Ino!"

"No problem. Kiba!" She tossed the bottle of Bundaburg Ginger Beer at him, and he caught it without looking. He might _look_ unobservant, but Ino suspected that there was a different reason for his chemical dependency other than only relaxing. She was reminded of the old story of Sherlock Holmes. He always did his cocaine and or morphine to keep his brain occupied, or numb it out. Sakura smiled sarcastically at Ino as she handed her the glass of Delaware Punch which was her favorite. Ino wanted to slap the girl, as usual, but she wasn't giving up her tip. Hinata calmly thanked her for her iced tea, no sugar, thank you very much.

Just then, a very odd sound came from Naruto's pants pocket. It sounded something like a screaming growl, then turned into a heavy guitar solo before a raspy singer began the song "Down With the Sickness". They all looked at him, and he said, "What?"

"You changed your ring tone?" Sakura asked, and then made a disgusted face. "I liked the old one better."

Naruto shrugged as he pulled the metallic orange phone from his pocket. "Secret Agent Man gets old after a while." He opened the thing, and put it to his ear. "Troubleshooters, Uzumaki Naruto speaking!"

Ino leaned down to the group, and said, "So, the usual?" They all nodded, and she then said, "Okay, then that's two large with everything for Kiba, one large with extra cheese and crushed ramen on top for Naruto, and one between you two, half veggie, half cheese only." Akamaru barked in what she thought was an irritated fashion. "And one bowl of pepperoni an sausage for Akamaru." Happy little whines came from the dog now, and she was wondering vaguely—and not for the first time—if Kiba's canine companion understood what they were saying. The group nodded in agreement, all except for Naruto, who was in earnest conversation with someone on the phone. When he was finished, he turned to the rest of them, and his face was completely stunned.

"Kakashi wants a face-to-face meeting."

Sakura stopped drinking her punch.

Kiba stopped munching, mid-breadstick.

Hinata's sneezing suddenly stopped.

Akamaru barked ominously.

For her part, Ino blinked. She had heard them talking about their mysterious manager, but now they would finally get to meet him! "Hey, forehead-girl! Don't forget, you gotta tell me what he looks like. You're always saying that he sounds hot on the phone." Sakura threw her a nasty look, then Ino left to put in their orders and hit the punching bag in the back room. Sakura had always been the bitchy type.

* * *

As always, Naruto was driving. Sakura was firmly belted into the passenger seat, while Hinata held on for dear life in the back, and Kiba slid around lazily with Akamaru. "Naruto! Watch out!" Sakura yelled, and it was far too late. The bright orange van slammed head-on into a large mound of trash cans, which turned out to be empty. When Sakura was done beating the crap out of Naruto for the fiftieth time since they left Angelo's, they all got out of the van, which they called the Office. On the gate in front of them was a sign. It read: Hatake Estate.

This was rather questionable, since the "estate" consisted of a lake with a rather large log cabin in the middle. Naruto pressed a button on the security panel to the left of the wrought iron portal, and waited. Then, a voice came out, mechanically distorted, but still recognizable as their manager.

"Oi! What took you so long? And Naruto, I think we need to sign you up for driving lessons. Put my trash cans back." After they did as he asked, the gate opened, and they walked through, to stand next to another security panel. When Sakura pressed the red button, Kakashi's voice sounded loud and clear. "Step back one meter." There was an ear-piercingly loud grating noise, and after a long moment, the group standing at the edge of the lake saw a very strange bridge moving toward them. It was all iron panels, on chains, and it was being reeled out to their end of the lake.

Hinata leaned close to the water, off to one side, watching the mechanism. "Ingenious…" She said, pushing up her glasses once again. So entranced with it was she, that it took Sakura yanking her away from the edge of the water to avoid her toes getting cut off when the iron bridge made contact with the ground just where her feet would have been. "Th-thank you, Sakura! I was just so…" She had just looked up at the bridge, which was dripping, and covered in slick algae. Her nose wrinkled. "That so does _not_ look sanitary."

"Aw, come on, Hinata-chan! It will be fine!" Naruto took hold of one of the slimy chain guards. "Eew. He better have some hand sanitizer…" Hinata and Sakura looked at one another, and stifled giggles at his show of girlishness. They all got onto the bridge, Hinata's knee-high black boots and Sakura's spike heels skidded the entire time they were crossing, which took fifteen minutes. Akamaru bounded across, and Kiba followed. Apparently, Kiba didn't care that the slime was getting between his toes and all over his flip-flops. Akamaru at least had an excuse, as far as Naruto was concerned. He was a dog.

Now that all of them had finished crossing the lake, they came to a stop at the door of the cabin, which seemed much larger now that they were quite close. Kiba banged on the door. Ten minutes later, and after several more attempts at banging the door down, they heard shuffling footsteps. "Yo." The door opened, and they saw two lazy eyes peeping around the edge of the door. Sakura was about to burst with anticipation, it seemed. Hinata was smiling politely, however, and she obviously wanted to ask him about the bridge.

The door opened, and they all trooped in to the large living room, which was furnished in a style that was entirely unique to Kakashi. There were rugs upon rugs, making the floor rather squashy, and made the chairs that were scattered about stand at funny angles. The overall look of the place reminded most of them of a Dr. Seuss book. The exception to this was Akamaru, who thought it looked like a very large cat-bed.

They all turned to Kakashi, who was holding up a large stack of papers in front of his face. The only part of his face that was visible was his eyes. This, of course, irritated Sakura to no end, though she did not let it show. "Come in and sit down. I just need to put these down." He ran off to the other end of the room, put the papers down, and then made them sit. Kiba fell out of his chair three times, before he finally gave up and sat on the floor. Like I said…odd angles. Now, Sakura was trying once again to get a look at Kakashi's face, but it was again to no avail, because a large Persian cat had settled onto the man's chest, digging in and not letting go, and its fluff was covering Kakashi's nose and mouth.

"Hakurei! Get off!" The man yanked and yanked, but the cat was rather attached to his green sweatshirt. Sighing, he handed out the assignment folders. "Here. The latest."

All of them looked into the manila folders, and saw a dossier on a man named Orochimaru, whom no one had ever really gotten a good look at. That annoyed Sakura, who was good at getting information, but was also good at getting caught while doing so. There were, however, pictures of his two closest employees. They had names, but in situations like this, the Troubleshooters simply named them the Evil Henchmen, and gave them numbers. Evil Henchman #2, as it turned out, was (according to Sakura) "hot as all hell" and would most likely stand some scrutiny on her part.

No one really ever read the entire dossier, unless you counted Hintata. She was, as the others were fighting and generally screwing around, reading the material thoroughly and asking Kakashi questions. She was, to say the least, focused. The dark-haired girl was sitting on a low couch, her legs crossed, papers scattered over her black pleated skirt, and becoming more and more disturbed by what she was reading. Kiba had gone outside for some "fresh air", and Naruto was once again making a pass at Sakura, who had firmly planted the spike heel of her shoe on his crotch, just daring him to move a muscle.

Hinata snapped the folder shut. The others looked at her, curiosity painting their features like makeup. "This is definitely a worthy challenge." Her quiet voice came out in a serious tone.

"Yatta!" Naruto jumped up, heedless of Sakura's threatening heel. It was actually beneficial that he did, because she went sprawling on the floor, and Hinata got a small laugh out of it.

Kiba's head poked into the door, and he started unscrewing the cap on his bottle of Visine. "What's up?" He leaned back against the wall and put the eyedrops in, to "get the red out". Sakura got up from the floor, teetering on her heels for a moment until she got her balance.

"We've got a job." She said in an irritated manner, and Naruto smiled. The rest of them knew that smile. He was going to kill them on the way to their assignment. His driving really did leave a lot to be desired.

* * *

"Here we are." Sakura said, looking at the map again. "Snake Mountain Amuseument Park. Looks normal enough." In fact, the place was bustling. Usually, if there was some kind of evildoing going on, there would be an abandoned factory, or a fake-haunted castle. Something eerie. This place was just a cheerfully busy amusement park, with roller coasters towering above, and hundreds of people swarming on the ground. Naruto pulled out a pair of binoculars. "Oh, idiot, could you be any _more_ obvious?" She leaned back in her seat, and rubbed her temples with her fingertips. He was going to give her another headache. It was only one in the afternoon, and she'd already had a healthy dose of dobe for the day.

Hinata was looking around the street nervously. Unlike the rest of them, she knew exactly what was going on. In the dossier, she read that twenty people had been abducted over the last six months, all in some way connected with Snake Mountain. They had either visited the park within twenty-four hours of their abduction, or they lived in the area. All of the abducted had been between the ages of sixteen and twenty two, and in good physical condition. There were five female and sixteen males taken, all of different backgrounds, ethnic and economic. Her head hurt just trying to spot a pattern. It seemed so random!

"Okay, guys," Naruto said, "Kakashi told us not to get separated. So, let's stick together." After they got out of the Office, they all went across the street and paid the rather exorbitant entry fee. Naruto grumbled as he put his wallet back into his pocket. "Man. That hurt." He patted his back pocket. "Now, we can make a pla—Kiba! Where are you going?"

Kiba and Akamaru were barreling toward the area where the kiddie rides were. The rest of them sighed. The shaggy-haired young man turned around and yelled, "Ferris-wheel!" This caused the entire group to groan. They soon found themselves packed into the little two-person baskets, going in slow circles. Kiba and Akamaru sat together, because he wouldn't let anyone else sit with him. Sakura ended up being put in a basket with a guy she didn't know, and Naruto got paired up with Hinata, and he grumbled the entire time about not getting to sit with Sakura. Hinata was rather annoyed by this. What was she, chopped liver? She wasn't bad looking or anything, it was just that he was an idiot!

When all of the Troubleshooters had disembarked from the Ferris-wheel, Kiba ran off again. Naruto made the decision that if they were going to get anything at all done, they would have to split up. So, they left Kiba to his play-time, and all went in different directions. Sakura went in search of Evil Henchman #2, while Naruto headed toward the water rides. Hinata decided to investigate the experimental roller coaster. It was still in its testing phase. Kiba and Akamaru started making their way toward the House of Mirrors.

* * *

Hinata looked up. Her neck hurt to see the top of it. "That is one big roller coaster." She leaned on the chain-link fence. It was painted bright green, and was made of steel tubing, like many of the newer coasters. There were twists, turns, and one thing that looked suspiciously like a reverse corkscrew that had been doubled over in itself. Her stomach went queasy.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" She whirled around to see a pale man with long, dark hair, wearing a white Hawaiian shirt, black cargo shorts, and Teva sandals. He had a large boa constrictor draped around his neck. He was, in short, the creepiest man she had ever seen. And he was leering at her.

"Um, it's definitely impressive…"

"First time?" He asked, still leering. The question somehow seemed indecent.

"Excuse me?" She asked, hoping he meant something benign.

"At the park, miss. Is it your first time at the park?" She nodded. "Then, would you like a private tour?" He asked, and leaned closer to her, causing Hinata's eyes to go very wide.

"A-Ano, I'm sorry. I have to go. Please excuse me." Her voice all but squeaked as she ran as fast as her heeled boots would allow. She had to find someone, anyone else but him. Creepy Snake Man…ugh. She had been hit on before, but that was just ridiculous.

* * *

As she ran away, slender fingers ran over cool scales, and a smile twisted thin lips. "Hm. Nice. Legs…Do you think we should keep an eye on her, my pet?" The man's hand manipulated the constrictor's head, creating a mock nod. "That's what I thought." Laughing, the man disappeared into a door at the base of the roller coaster.

* * *

There were so many mirrors! One made Akamaru look like a monster, with a huge head, and another made Kiba look like a spaghetti noodle! Needless to say, it really doesn't take much to amuse Kiba, and there was quite a lot here. Kiba was…overjoyed.

In a melodious tenor, Kiba began to sing, Akamaru howling backup. "I've got a lovely buch of coconuts…There they are a-standing in a row…Big ones, small ones. Some as big as your head!" And so on.

Didn't I say that it doesn't take much to amuse him?

* * *

"I should have known better!" Naruto groused. He was trying without success to wring water from his hat. "Damned log rides! I always forget about the splash at the end!" He had gone on the log ride, and was now sitting on a bench no less than fifty yards from the beastly thing. He took off his shoes, spilling water from them. Wait a minute. Was that a _fish?_ No, just a piece of a leaf. There was not one dry piece of clothing on him.

Naruto removed his shirt, and proceeded to wring the water from it, much to the entertainment of a small group of younger teenage girls, who were commenting on his muscles. He smiled at them cheekily, and they blushed and ran away. That gave him a laugh, but not dry pants, which he really wanted.

* * *

Sakura realized all too late that the boy that sat with her in the basket on the Ferris-wheel was Evil Henchman #1. She thought about this as she sat down with a large helping of cotton candy. Her thoughts turn from the boy who sat with her to the one she's been trying to find. Evil Henchman #2 is nowhere to be found. This irritated her as she sat eating the sticky pink mass on a stick. There were booths nearby, where people were being cheated as they played everything from ski-ball to arcade basketball. Why do those people never understand that the games are fixed?

* * *

From behind one of the shooting booths, a young man with very light hair and a round pair of glasses watched the pretty pink-haired girl eating cotton candy. He sat with her on the Ferris-wheel. He had never considered himself to be a pervert. But with the outfit this girl was wearing, he felt like one. _Lots of leg, and_ (his mind partially fries at this) _boobs!_ This is what went through the mind of Kabuto, also known as Evil Henchman #1, as he looked at Sakura. So it would come as no surprise to anyone that he quickly decided to stalk the hell out of her.

* * *

"Where is everyone?" Hinata breathed, as she stopped to catch her breath near a concession stand. "I'm really tired, but I can't call them. I'm roaming!" That was ironic, since her cellular phone company boasted that she would have no problems with that. Creepy Snake Man was nowhere to be seen, so she was pretty sure that she'd lost him. What an icky individual! He looked like a snake, himself! Where was Naruto? Or Kiba? They were never around when she needed a guy to help her out. Where was anyone for that matter? When she caught her breath, she figured that it was time for a little bit of something to keep her strength up.

At the counter of the concession stand, she ordered bottled water and a bit of chicken on a stick. Musing momentarily about how most food at amusement parks seemed to be on a stick, she started walking away from the food vendors, when she bumped into someone. "Excuse me!" She said, nearly spilling her water all over the person. A little did get onto their shirt, and she used her napkin to dab at it until she realized whom she was standing in front of. It was none other than Evil Henchman #2! Now that she saw him up close, she didn't understand what it was that Sakura thought was so great about him.

He was tall, for his age, she supposed, but so was Kiba. He was rather slender, with dark spiky hair, and pale skin. The boy wore a long sleeved white t-shirt with a short-sleeved black one over it, and dark blue pants. All in all, he looked rather depressing. Add in the sunglasses that made him look like an extra from _The Matrix_, and you got one rather creepy picture. Then, he spoke. "No problem. I'm fine, miss…" He was looking down at her, and staring. Hinata could always tell, even if someone was wearing sunglasses. "What's your name?"

"Hinata."

"First time to Snake Mountain, Hinata?"

"Hai." What was he trying to pull?

"Like it so far?" There was an almost-smile tugging at the corners of his mouth now, and she was strangely hypnotized by it.

"A-ano…mostly." Hinata didn't want to tell him that she met some creepy man with a snake around his neck. He would think she was crazy, and that would seem suspicious.

That almost smile spread, and he asked, "What's your phone number?"

Hinata opened her mouth to answer, but snapped it shut again. It took her a moment to realize what had just happened. He was hitting on her! Well, admittedly, that sort of thing didn't happen very often, so she was justified in her naiveté, but then again, she considered herself a pretty smart girl. Instead, she used her smart brain to come up with a smart comeback. "What are you doing, taking a survey?" And with that, she walked away. "Perv…"

* * *

Evil Henchman #2, otherwise known as Uchiha Sasuke, watched Hinata walk away, that black skirt swaying from side to side, and said to himself, "Beauty and brains…who knew?" He proceeded to follow, at a distance that he thought she wouldn't notice.

So at this point, stalker mode has been initiated. Hooray for Hinata. Two stalkers in less than ten minutes!

* * *

Nearly out of the House of Mirrors now, Kiba held Akamaru like a teddy bear, and they sang together. But the song was different.

"Moon River…wider than a mile…I'm crossing you in style someday…"

A newlywed couple stopped to listen as Kiba cuddled Akamaru. Surprisingly, the dog's howls didn't upset the melody. "You dream maker, oh, heart breaker…where ever you're going, I'm going…your way! Two…drifters of to see the world, there's such a lot of world to see! We're after the same rainbow's end…waiting 'round the bend…Moon…River…and…me…" Applause and laughter sounded in the glass hallway as Kiba and his dog bounded outside, applause following them. He always felt good after singing!

Once again, proof that being silly at times is healthy!

* * *

Naruto held his hat to his chest, so that it didn't fly off. His theory about the gravitron spinning the water off of him was obviously half-baked. Now, he'd lose his lunch, but he hadn't eaten any. He wondered momentarily what Sakura was doing. Probably trying to find that stupid "hot" Henchman. Ugh. Naruto rolled his eyes, but regretted it as the gravitron tilted again, sending another wave of nausea over him.

He thought about the fact that he hadn't seen either of those Henchmen, and that they knew nothing about what Orochimaru looked like. How would he know him if he saw him?

* * *

Glancing over her shoulder, Sakura saw him. Again. He's been following her. If there was any doubt before, there wasn't now. He was definitely an Evil Henchman. The problem was, how did she get away from him? That was Evil Henchman #1. He seemed rather…tenacious. After a long moment of simply walking, Sakura ducked into a photography booth. It was one of those old west themed booths, where you could dress up like a saloon girl or a cowboy and have a black and white photo taken. The lady at the counter looked at her in a rather bored way and sighed. "So, want a picture?"

A voice came from behind Sakura, and said, "Yes, we do." She turned around to see Evil Henchman #1. He was looking down at her with a smile on his face. Sakura only saw it for a second, because she was yanked unceremoniously to the back of the booth, to the small dressing room. The woman yelled back at Evil Henchman #1 to put on a cowboy outfit. Sakura was completely mortified as her shirt was shucked off of her, and then her bra, too! The woman squeezed her into a corset, then the dress, a pair of fishnet gloves, stockings to match, and a pair of boots that were really a size and a half too big, but it was only for a picture. Then, her hair was stuffed up into a stocking, and a wig put over it.

"Now, turn around." The woman said, obviously pleased with her work. Sakura did, and when she looked at herself in the mirror, she blinked. "Yeah, honey. That's you. Your boyfriend should like it." She turned to snap at the woman, to tell her that the oaf that came in behind her was most certainly not her boyfriend, but she had already left the dressing room. As Sakura followed her out, she found Evil Henchman #1 standing next to a fake piano, wearing a dark green button up shirt, a pair of dirty jeans, and a cowboy hat. The woman looked him over, then slapped his behind. "Not bad if I do say so myself. Now, find a pose you like, and we'll do this."

"Um…" Sakura eyed him warily. She was waiting for him to drag her off. That's what usually happened at this point.

"Sorry. You just seemed like you were running away from me." He really did look sorry.

"I was, actually." She was honest, and Sakura sure hoped he appreciated it. God…the corset was killing her!

"Why?"

"Because. You're an Evil Henchman. That's what I do when I see a Henchman." The boy seemed confused. "Let's just take the picture."

Just as she was about to sit in front of him on the chair provided, he said, "You're very pretty." Sakura looked at him, and found that he was blushing madly. He really meant it. And wearing that cowboy hat just made him look so cute!

"Pose already!"

Sakura turned to the woman behind the camera and snapped, "Shut up for two seconds together, you blithering idiot!" Turning back to her Evil Henchman stalker, she said, "You really mean that?" He nodded, blushing a deeper shade of red. "Look at the camera." He did, and she pulled at the collar of his shirt until she could give him a small kiss on the cheek. The flash went off, and so did Sakura, to the dressing room to get the hell out of that corset!

* * *

Evil Henchman #1 stared at the after image of the flash, blinking. The woman came over, and handed him two copies of the photo she'd taken of them. The pretty pink-haired girl was kissing his cheek, and he looked utterly confused. The girl was smiling, though. He felt a blush coming on again, and the woman who worked in the booth laughed at him. "You kids…"

* * *

**A/N:** So, whaddaya think? 


	2. The Chase!

**A/N:** Here's chapter 2. Now, the plot really starts to thicken. Orochimaru, AKA Creepy Snake Man, has his sights set on Hinata. Will he succeed in gaining her for his sick and twisted fantasy? Or will Evil Henchman #2 steal her heart? Warnings: Chick fight, foul language, pervvy behavior, and cheese. At the end of the chapter, I'll give you the option of telling me a new topic for the next episode. It will be completely unrelated to this episode. So. Happy reading!

**Legal Stuffiness:** I do not own Naruto, or any of the characters therein. Kishimoto Masashi, sole proprietor. I also do not own the song "Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head" (B.J. Thomas), nor do I own the poem, _She Walks In Beauty_ (George Gordon, Lord Byron). Brands are listed as registered and trademarked.

* * *

**Chapter 2:** The Chase!

* * *

"Come on, Akamaru! Let's go on the carousel!" The dog yipped as he loped along next to Kiba. They got onto the double-decker carousel, and went to the second floor immediately. It surprised him that no one was on it already. After he sat on a horse, and Akamaru settled onto the floor, the thing started up, playing a song and spinning slowly.

"Hey, Akamaru, you know this one, don't you?" The dog made an affirmative woof, and Kiba waited for the place where the words would start before he began singing.

"_Raindrops are falling on my head…_

_And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed_

_Nothing seems to fit_

_Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling…_

_So I just did me some talking to the Sun,_

_And I said I didn't like the way he got things done_

_He's sleeping on the job_

_Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling_…"

A small crowd started to gather at the base of the carousel, listening to him singing, and swaying to the tinkling music of the ride itself. Kiba got up from his seat, and started doing a little dance along to the music, something akin to soft-shoe, which he thought was appropriate to the song.

"_But there's one thing I know…_

_The blues they send to greet me won't defeat me_

_It won't be long till happiness steps up to meet me_

_Raindrops keep fallingon my head_

_But that doesn't my eyes will soon be turning red_

_'Cause crying's not for me, cause_

_I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining_

_Because I'm free…_

_Nothing's worrying me_."

The people on the ground had now begun to sing, and every last one of them had smiles on their faces. This was better than in the House of Mirrors! He watched their faces as he sang the last chorus, and Akamaru howled softly, musically, their voices blending in an oddly pleasant way.

"_It won't be long till happiness steps up to meet me_

_Raindrops keep falling on my head_

_But that doesn't my eyes will soon be turning red_

_'Cause crying's not for me, cause_

_I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining_

_Because I'm free…_

_Nothing's worrying…Me_."

The ending music began, and as everyone applauded, Kiba felt himself being lifted off of his feet. First, he thought that his adoring fans had boarded the carousel to cheer him. Then, when he was hauled roughly down to the ground, and had his face planted in the dirt, he knew for certain that it was not true. "Hey, buddy. You're not supposed to act like that, now are you?" Just as the security guards started saying they were going to toss him out of the park, his adoring fans did come to his rescue.

One woman started yelling insults, and a man rushed at the guard holding Kiba to the ground. Ah, this is how riots start. And so one did, the people gathering their idol up and hoisting him onto their shoulders. It was like some strange movie where the geek becomes the hero for a day.

* * *

Hinata looked over her shoulder. "God save me from stalkers!" She said this as she spotted Creepy Snake Man lurking behind a small out-building near one of the carnival rides. Her eyes widened as she saw him, and his smile became more unpleasant. That made her run. Somehow, she ended up at the Ferris-wheel again. There, she had the option of going on the ride, and simply running into Creepy Snake Man when she got off, or running away some more. A pull at her arm had her alarmed in the extreme, and when she looked to see Evil Henchman #2, her distress seemed to double. "Damned stalkers! Let me go!" She shook free of him, but then looked at his face and saw something there just before he spoke. It was amusement.

"I was just going to ask you to ride the Ferris-wheel with me. But if you want to ride with him—" he pointed behind her at where her other stalker stood, "—be my guest." Hinata glanced behind her, then back at Evil Henchman #2. No contest.

Grabbing his arm, she said, "Fine. But keep your hands to yourself, Buster." And then dragged him to the ride. Frankly, he was more bearable than Creepy Snake Man, who wanted to give her a "private tour" of the park. Eew.

As they were clamped down into the bucket, Evil Henchman #2 said, "You know, you're actually quite pretty." That had her blushing, which only seemed to make him smirk more, and was it just her imagination, or was he just sitting _really_ close to her? "Hinata?"

"What?"

"Who are those people you came in with?" She started. How long had he been watching her? "The blonde with the orange hat…he's trouble." Hinata's eyes narrowed at him, but she refused to say anything.

He continued to embarrass her for the rest of the ride by talking about how he liked her hair, and how it framed her face, and the color of her eyes. By the end, he was no longer smirking, but smiling openly. Hinata's face looked like a tomato that had been set on fire. When the attendant lifted the bar from her legs, she all but jumped out of the bucket and ran away from him.

* * *

Sakura was looking at what appeared to be the most popular attraction in the entire park. She didn't understand why. It was just one of those cheesy little couples rides. "Tunnel of Love my ass. It's just so lame!" Turning away from the entrance, she saw Hinata, who was walking quickly, looking over her shoulder. Was she being followed? That was odd, because it was usually Sakura that got stalked. Then, she saw who it was doing the stalking.

It was Evil Henchman #2. Not only was it the guy she had been looking for, but it was obvious that he was looking only at Hinata. That went against the laws of social etiquette! Not to mention the laws of nature! Sakura was prettier! She was taller! And she most certainly had better fashion sense! Well, she had been planning on helping the girl out, but not anymore. "Hinata! What are you doing?"

The dark-haired girl sighed in apparent relief when she spotted Sakura, and ran over to her. "Oh, Sakura, I'm so glad to see you! I'm being stalked…_help me._"

"Well, at least your stalker is hot. The one I've got just kind of lurks. He's not bad, but…_say_, wait a minute. You made him stalk you on purpose!" Hinata's face was completely shocked. "You stole him!"

Hinata rolled her eyes and pushed up her glasses. "You can have him."

"Don't get condescending with me you little nerd!" Sakura spat.

* * *

Hinata did not often get angry. But if there was one thing she could not stand, it was being called a nerd. And she certainly wasn't condescending to Sakura. So, when her face became paler in an indication of how livid she was, Sakura stepped back. It was too late. "Where did you hear that word? Did you accidentally pick up a dictionary, thinking it was _Cosmo?_" That made Sakura angry enough to attack her, but striking the first blow didn't give the taller girl the advantage. Hinata was angry, and when she was angry, there was little on earth that was more frightening. Just as Hinata's knee connected with Sakura's ribs, she felt an arm encircle her waist, but not before Sakura's wildly flailing arms knocked off her glasses. Great. Now she couldn't see _anything._

Apparently, Sakura was now being held back by Evil Henchman #1. She was using expletives that Hinata, in all of her vast studies, had never come across. Soon, she quieted, and Hinata wondered why. Then, there was a loud slapping sound. Well, she supposed that the guy just kissed her? Hinata could neither see her, and nor did she care. All she wanted was her glasses. Squinting ostentatiously, she crouched low, scouring the ground with her hands and trying for the life of her to see the frames of her glasses.

"Here." Magically, her glasses appeared before her eyes, held up by a pale, slender hand. When she took them, and put them back on, she saw that it was Evil Henchman #2 who had returned them to her.

"Thanks."

* * *

Creepy Snake Man, lingering nearby the recently defunct catfight, was ogling Hinata as she crouched on the ground, her skirt riding up on her thighs. Cooing to the reptile draped over his shoulders, he said, "Oh, my pet, I like her. I like her..._a lot_." He then turned around and went back the way he came from, all the while petting his snake.

* * *

"Hello?"

"Naaaruto…come get me!" Kiba's voice grated on his nerves, even over the phone. "They put me in _jail_, Naruto. I don't like it here, and Akamaru needs to go to the restroom." Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Where are you? Are you even still in the park?" After a short explanation, Naruto made his way to the 'jail' Kiba has landed himself in. When he arrived, he saw the lanky boy sitting on a bright yellow stubby plastic chair, next to a virulently pink (and equally stubby) picnic table on which Akamaru was pacing like a little girl waiting for a bathroom stall. Kiba was whistling lowly, a tune that Naruto knew all too well. The somber notes of "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen" echoed off of the white plastic fence, which was no more than three feet high. Naruto rolled his eyes. "Kiba, what did you do to be put in the children's detention center?"

The boy shrugged, and said, "I only gave happiness to the masses."

"You were _selling_ in the park!"

It was Kiba's turn to roll his eyes. "What do you think I am, stupid? No! Akamaru and I were singing. Security doesn't like our style." Then he looked Naruto in the eye. "Besides, why would I be selling, when I was partaking of it myself?" Naruto kicked Kiba in the shins to shut him up, then grabbed boy and dog and hauled them away.

* * *

Sakura slapped at the back of the boy who had thrown her over his shoulder. "Let go of me you freak! Who do you think you are? Let me down, you ass!" Her arms and legs flailed until she was set gently down by Evil Henchman #1. He pulled something out of his pocket, and took her hand. "What the hell are you doing?" He unfolded a handkerchief, and wiped the blood from her hand, where she'd been scratched in her fight with Hinata. "Oh," She said, now quiet. Her face burned in embarrassment. He was trying to help her. From another pocket, he produced a box of Band-aids®, and put one over the cut. The boy searched for more hurts, and then his eyes finally settled on her face.

Reaching out with a gentle hand, he touched her cheek, where a bruise was forming over her cheekbone. "Come on, we'll get you some ice for that." Sakura couldn't help but smile when he took her hand gingerly. He might not be too bright, but he was very sweet.

* * *

Hinata blinked up at Evil Henchman #2. He was looking at her all funny again. Suddenly, there was a sharp sound, like breaking glass. "Um…excuse me." Hinata pulled up the hem of her skirt for a moment, and took out her phone, which she kept strapped to her leg. All the better to hide it from those uptight nuns at school. And it also meant that she never had to carry a purse. "Hello?"

* * *

_Did she just reach up her…oh, geez._ Sasuke was about to have a nosebleed. He was, to say the least, a leg man, and Hinata had one _very_ nice set of legs. As she talked on her cell phone, he watched her. She was really pretty. And she could take care of herself, it seemed, since she'd kicked the shit out of that pink-haired oddity. He was liking her more each second.

* * *

Creepy Snake Man watched his Henchman with the dark-haired beauty. He watched as she lifted her skirt, and had to clamp a hand over his nose to stop the bleeding. _Legs…must…have…those legs!_ Now, if he could just pry Sasuke away from her long enough to grab her! His eyes narrowed at the way Sasuke seemed to be watching her very closely as well. _He better not touch her. That's my job._ He again disappeared into the shadows of the amusement park, petting the ever-present snake.

* * *

Walking over to where Naruto said that Hinata was, Kiba had to haul Akamaru away from one of the rides. "No, Akamaru! Not there. She's this way." He pointed toward Naruto's back, and the dog made an annoyed 'whuff' before following. Apparently, there was something that smelled rather off in that direction, and the dog had wanted to investigate.

"Kiba, reign in that mutt. We'll hide somewhere and stay in the park after dark."

"W-why?" Kiba didn't like the sound of that, and neither did Akamaru, who was hiding behind Kiba's legs.

"Because, you dope. All of the real evil things happen at night." Kiba eyed him dubiously. Naruto's logic made sense in his own head, but nowhere else. Sometimes, Kiba was pretty sure that Naruto was about a bubble off plumb, but he wasn't going to mess with him at the moment.

* * *

Hinata nearly slapped herself. She was starting to go insane, she was quite certain. Her time with the Evil Henchman (#2) was starting to get to her head. That was the only explanation for her starting to think that he was attractive. He was so…pasty! Well, she wasn't the picture of Coppertone® radiance, either, but he looked unhealthy. Inwardly, she sighed. At least she wasn't thinking that Kiba was cute. That would just be weird. Suddenly, she saw Creepy Snake Man up ahead. He seemed to be beckoning to Evil Henchman #2, and then the boy was excusing himself for a moment to go and speak to him.

_Wait just a second. Evil Henchman + Creepy Snake Guy...That equals... Evil Amusement Park Owner! Ack! Why do I always attract the evil type?_ She was just about to walk away while they were both distracted by their…rather heated conversation…when Evil Henchman #2 walked back over to her. He was, to say the very least, quite angry.

He asked rather sullenly if she would like to go for a ride on the carousel. Now that she knew that he was in with the snake man, and that the snake man was the owner of the place, she figured she would stick with him for a bit, just to see where things led.

* * *

"Hey, Kiba…do you notice something about a lot of the people here?"

"Nah. Oh. Wait. Hey, they look…stoned!" Kiba's observational skills were in top form this afternoon. Naruto nodded, and reached up to pat the boy on the head. Kiba smiled, pleased beyond what was believable for his age.

"I think I have an idea. You guys stay in the area, but act like you normally do. Try going over to the Magic Carpet ride. You should have fun on that. I'll be back in a few minutes." Naruto went into the most popular ride in the park. It was that cheesy Tunnel of Love ride. Once inside, he proceeded to not keep his hands and arms inside the vehicle. In fact, he exited the thing altogether, and crept along the small ledge on the side of where the boats ran in a line, staying in the shadows.

For the first fifteen feet, there were the usual hearts and little cherubim, but after that, things started to get weird. There were huge television screens, and they were flashing messages across them faster than Naruto could see. He immediately stopped looking at them. Kakashi had sent them a book on subliminal advertising, and Naruto was smart enough to be a conspiracy theorist, so he read the thing, cover to cover. Those were most definitely subliminal messages. There was a soothing voice playing over the loud speaker, too. It was saying things like, "You love Snake Mountain. You love Orochimaru. You will do anything Orochimaru tells you…" Naruto's eyes widened. This was freaking him out. He made sure to stay close to his boat, and when he saw the exit coming up, he jumped back in, and buckled down.

When he came out, he pretended to be as dazed and confused as the rest of the people being helped out of the boats. He then made his way back to the Magic Carpet ride to collect Kiba.

* * *

"Kabuto, stop it!" Sakura slapped his arm lightly, embarrassed.

"No, no. I think you're really very pretty…Sakura." He blushed furiously when he said her name, as if he shouldn't even let it past his lips. She found him to be passable, not as hot as the other Henchman, in the least. But he had such beautiful eyes. They were like a puppy's, and she just wanted to look into them _all day_.

* * *

The carousel was playing a lilting tune, and they sat on a swan-shaped bench on the second story. Hinata was curled up in the corner of the bench, listening to Evil Henchman #2 talk. His name, she knew. But he had told her anyway. He was Sasuke, and he was her age. He also liked poetry. "Hinata,"

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to tell you that you remind me a lot of a poem I read."

"Really?" She asked, her interest piqued. She hoped that it wasn't _The Wasteland_ by T.S. Eliot. "What poem?"

"_She walks in beauty, like the night_

_Of cloudless climes and starry skies;_

_And all that's best of dark and bright_

_Meet in her aspect and in her eyes:_

_Thus mellow'd to that tender light_

_Which heaven to gaudy day denies._

_One shade the more, one ray the less,_

_Had half impair'd the nameless grace_

_Which waves in every raven tress,_

_Or softly lightens o'er her face;_

_There thoughts serenely express_

_How pure, how dear the twilight place."_

_"And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,_

_So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,_

_The smiles that win, the tints that glow,_

_But tells of days in goodness spent,_

_A mind at peace with all below,_

_A heart whose love is innocent!_"

She was utterly stunned. "Byron? Lord Byron? He's…my favorite." Her smile was genuine as she shifted her position to lean on him. "That was beautiful, Sasuke. Do you know any other ones?"

* * *

Sasuke didn't want to do it. But as she leaned on him, he remembered what Orochimaru had told him. Either he do this, or he would have a major problem. _Damn it. And I really like her._ Why else would he have taken the trouble to recite an entire poem by Byron? It fit her so perfectly, he really couldn't help himself. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, and broke the vial of chloroform in it. Then he put it over her mouth and nose as he held her against his chest. "I'm sorry, Hinata."

* * *

"What the hell is going on?" Naruto growled, "Sakura, when's the last time you saw Hinata?"

"Um…" The girl's voice was uncertain on the other end of the phone. "I guess it was outside the Tunnel of Love ride. We got into a fight. Naruto's eyebrows rose at that. Two chicks fighting…now that would have been better than the roller coaster! "Why?"

"I can't raise her on the cell phone. She's not answering." Naruto quickly figured out that Sakura didn't know what was going on either. "Meet Kiba and I at the Funhouse. We'll stay there until dark. Then we can investigate more without having all of the people roaming around."

Sakura said indignantly, "Are you just going to leave Hinata to fend for herself? I mean, if it was me, you'd be running around trying to find me."

"Hinata can take care of herself." Naruto said this, meaning well. Sakura took it differently, however.

"And I can't? Jerk!" There was nothing but dial tone after that. Damn.

* * *

Groggily, Hinata opened her eyes. "Oh, my head…" Her vision was blurred for a moment, then she saw. Orochimaru, AKA Creepy Snake Man, was standing over her, still holding that stupid boa constrictor. _Not cool_. He was staring at her as if she were a big slab of chocolate cheesecake. _Very not cool_. The Evil Henchmen were close by, Sasuke not looking at her. She could tell by the way he clenched his jaw that he was livid. _Well,_ she thought, _at least he didn't do it willingly, I guess._

When she tried to sit up, she couldn't. Hinata found that she was being restrained. A sharp tug brought the clink of metal to her ears. Her eyes rolled. _Chained, huh?_ Then, she looked down at herself, and her eyes nearly jumped out of her head. Someone had changed her clothes. Instead of her own clothes, she was wearing a sheer black silk dress, black satin underwear and a matching strapless bra, thigh-high fishnet stockings, and her boots. _Oh, I don't even want to know. I just want my damned clothes back. And I don't want to know why he has women's clothing._

"Ah, finally you're awake, my dear."

"What the hell are you up to, you…you…" Hinata's words failed her. Thankfully, Sasuke was a smart-ass.

"I believe the word you're looking for is 'bastard'." He smirked at Orochimaru, who was glaring daggers at him.

Hinata appreciated the help. "Thank you, Sasuke. What are you up to, bastard?" Her lips curled into a smile as Orochimaru turned back to her, his eyes full of smoldering anger. He sat down next to her, trailing a finger up her leg to where it met her hip. She almost threw up.

"Little _Hi-na-ta_…If you must know, I have been requisitioning guests at the park, and others in the vicinity for two purposes. There have been various women that have…sparked my interest, and the men have been test subjects for my experiments in advertising. It keeps them coming to the park, you see. Once you go into the Tunnel of Love, you're guaranteed to come back to Snake Mountain." His smile was extremely unpleasant as his eyes settled on staring at her breasts. Hinata rolled her eyes.

"So, you've been brain-washing people into coming to your lame-ass amusement park? Oh, now that's sad." Then she thought for a long moment. "What happened to the other women?"

Kabuto answered this question, calmly. "They're still here, in the Harem."

"There's a **_Harem_**!" Hinata asked incredulously. She was dreaming. No. She was having a freaking nightmare!

Orochimaru smiled broadly. "Oh, yes, there is. And you, my dear, are the latest addition to it. I have a feeling you'll be my _favorite_." _Oooooooh, no! I am so not going to…Harem girls have to…oh **HELL NO**!_ Hinata was not going to do any of the strange things he wanted her to do. She just wasn't that kind of girl! "As a member of my Harem, you'll enjoy several benefits." For some odd reason, his tone became that of a salesman. Holding up a finger for each benefit, he said, " First, you get to sleep with _me_, which is benefit enough, but then, you get partial use of my Henchmen, if I'm not using them, and all the cotton candy you can eat." She couldn't tell if the man was being sarcastically facetious, or if he was dead serious. Hinata supposed that it came with being an Evil Mastermind.

"Sasuke, please take good care of her. Kabuto and I will be back after the park is done shutting down." The boy nodded, and after the other two were gone, he shuffled his feet, shifting his weight, and trying not to look _too_ sheepish. "Oh, and Sasuke?"

"What?" The young man's voice was brooding and annoyed.

"Remember. Hands off." Orochimaru shook a finger at Sasuke, who rolled his eyes. Once the other two men were gone, Sasuke turned to Hinata.

"Hinata…" He stepped closer to her.

"Shut up. I don't want to hear it. Whatever your excuse is, it isn't good enough. There is no excuse for this. I'm a freaking _HAREM GIRL!_" She had had enough. Stretching as far as she could in the chains, she kicked him in the face, sending the broken fragments of his sunglasses all over the room. Her eyes widened to near-painful proportions. It didn't take but a split second for her to recognize him now that he didn't have those stupid glasses on. And no wonder she thought he looked familiar! It was… "Uchiha Sasuke, private detective. I might have known. What are you doing here? This is our case."

"Hinata, I was hired by the family of one of the missing boys. I'm here on my own case. That's _why_ I'm here, and why I got a job working for Orochimaru." He sat on the bed, rubbing his nose, which had a slight scrape on it. "This has nothing to do with my rivalry against Naruto." Well, she was at least glad to hear that. The last thing she needed was for Naruto to get all huffy about the fact that his old partner was there. _Enough drama for one day…_

"Okay, now let me out of these stupid chains, and give me back my clothes."

"Um…"

"What?"

"You're not going to hit me again, are you?" He was hesitant. Why? It wasn't like she was going to kick him again, now that she knew who he was. Then, she saw the way he was looking at her…

"HENTAI!" Her voice rose to an unprecedented volume. "Sasuke, let me the hell out of here!" Reluctantly, he went looking for the keys.

* * *

"Where is she?" Sakura said irritatedly. The nerdy little brunette was nowhere to be found.

Akamaru gave a loud yip as he took of running through the park. "No! No, Akamaru!" Kiba ran full-speed after his dog, trying to get him back, but he just couldn't match the pup for speed. Against all odds, Sakura actually ran after them in her high heels. Naruto followed, keeping them in sight, but not tiring himself out. He wasn't stupid. Just reckless. They can't afford to get separated, after all, and he's the leader! He can't get lost. It would look bad.

Then, out of nowhere, he heard, "Nosy brats! Get them, Kabuto!" From the corner of his eye, Naruto saw Evil Henchman #1 barreling toward Kiba. Before he can even say 'watch out,' Kiba had it under control.

"Keep going Akamaru!" He had long since figured out that the dog had caught a whiff of his absolute favorite lady in the world. The mutt was onto Hinata's trail. He pulled up short, nearly being bowled over by Kabuto, better known as Evil Henchman #1. Naruto passed him by, and was amazed by the new trick the boy pulled. From nowhere, he pulled out bread, three different kinds of cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, mustard, pickles, and four kinds of deli meat. "What will it be, Mr. Evil Henchman, sir? Salami? Cold ham?" The Henchman stared at him blankly before stating that he isn't hungry. Kiba looked around sheepishly for a moment, then started running again. Well, Kiba's distraction techniques were always too outlandish to actually work, however brilliant (not to mention funny) they were.

They got chased all over the park as they followed Akamaru, Kabuto doing his Evil Henchman best to catch them. Finally, Kiba stopped again, and stared in morbid fascination at Kabuto's hands. "Oh, that's shameful!" Naruto gave a shiver. Kiba sounded like one of those female beauticians! "Your nails are in horrible shape! Come here, and let me fix them for you, honey." After he got over the absolute shock of Kiba pulling the Bugs Bunny manicure routine, he snuck up behind Kabuto, and whacked him over the head with a skee-ball. Then, he and Kiba tied him to a light-post with a coil of rope they'd found lying about for no reason at all.

* * *

"This is really creepy, you guys." Sakura's voice echoed off of the walls. They couldn't even see their hands in front of their faces, it was so dark, and she had to hold onto Naruto's belt. Kiba and Akamaru were in the lead, and the dog was hot on the trail. It seemed that they were about to find Hinata. "Why do all of the secret lair-type places have to be underground?"

"Shh, Sakura. We're getting close." Kiba's voice floated back, silencing her.

* * *

"This is annoying!" Hinata groused. "Can't you…I dunno, pick the lock?"

Sasuke slapped his forehead. "Of course! I can pick locks. Why did I not think of that?"

Hinata shot him a look, and said honestly, "Because you were staring at my breasts, idiot. Now make with the lock-picking!" He made a face, but then started searching for something to pick the lock with. After much searching, he found a paper clip. Then, he twisted it into a strange shape, and reached for the first lock. His hands settled on the metal, but before he actually started his work, he smirked slightly, and leaned down, kissing her. She made a little whimpering noise, which he took to be a good thing. Then, he pulled away from her, and freed her right hand.

That hand flew in a swift arc and slapped him. "What did you do that for?" He asked, confused.

"You kissed me!" She was angry now, and she took the paper clip from him, and proceeded to unlock the rest of the chains herself, and twice as fast as he had.

"I thought you liked it."

"That's besides the point! You could have _asked_ me, but _noooo…_you just had to be all _forceful._" He smirked. So she had liked it! He felt like doing a happy dance.

"Hinata?"

"What, idiot?" She was still quite angry about that kiss.

"Can I kiss you again?"

"Okay." Well, maybe she wasn't _that_ angry. He bit his lip for a moment, then took her chin in one hand, and kissed her gently. _That's…oh, now that's nice._ When he pulled away from her she was about to say just that when the door banged open, spilling people into the room. And Akamaru. Akamaru? The dog jumped up onto the bed where she sat, and stood on her chest, licking her until he knocked her glasses off of her face. "Akamaru! Down!" The dog obeyed her immediately. She stood up, brushing herself off.

"H-H-H-Hinata?" She looked over at Naruto, who looked like he was going to faint. Or die of nasal hemorrage.

"What?" She asked, then realized that he was looking at her. _Really_ looking. "Eyes up, Naruto." He looked back up at her face. Honestly, he acted like he had never seen a girl before!

Then, Orochimaru walked in, rather out of breath. Sasuke pulled Hinata against his chest, holding her protectively. Orochimaru glared at Sasuke with a look that said he would definitely be paying for this.

Kiba finally noticed Sasuke at this point, and thought that Sasuke was trying to hurt Hinata. He said, in a very sharp tone for Kiba, "Get him, Akamaru!" The dog sailed through the air, latching himself onto Sasuke's leg. In the resulting chaos, Orochimaru picked Hinata up and threw her over his shoulder, running from the room.

Once Sasuke extricated himself from Akamaru, he yelled, "They're getting away!"

"Bastard! What are you doing here?" Naruto asked, angered beyond reason.

"No time for that, moron. We have to save Hinata!" As much as Naruto hated to admit it, Sasuke was right, and they all ran out of the room, Akamaru in the lead, just in case they needed his nose. "He'll probably try to get out by way of the front gate," Sasuke said as they ran toward the entrance to the park.

* * *

_I wonder how it ended up being Hinata this time? Usually I get abducted. Well, I suppose there's a first time for everything. At least, once this is all over, I might be able to get Kabuto a suspended sentence. He's sweet!_ Sakura's thoughts, as she ran, revolved around being thankful that it was not her that got kidnapped for once! Maybe, if she untied him and convinced him to help, they would go easy on him? That might work. "Naruto! Go and catch the bastard! I'm gonna call the cops!"

Dialing 911, Sakura waited until the operator came on, and said, "Send all the cops you can to Snake Mountain Amusement Park! There's a kidnapping in progress!"

* * *

Kiba jumped the fence, along with Akamaru, so that they could cut Orochimaru off from his escape. Akamaru was one angry dog. He adored Hinata, more than he did Kiba, it seemed, and he wasn't about to put up with his favorite lady being hurt. Naruto continued to the entrance with Sasuke. Their plan worked perfectly, and Orochimaru was caught between the two groups. Just as he was caught by them, three police cars pulled up.

Orochimaru looked around, almost frantic. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a knife, then put it to Hinata's throat. "Back off, or she dies." Sasuke and Naruto held up their hands and backed away a few paces. They didn't want her to get hurt.

Hinata, meanwhile was standing there calmly, a knife at her throat, and a very creepy hand clutching at her waist. Then, she got an idea. An aweful, gut-wrenchingly disgusting idea, but an idea, nonetheless. She leaned back against his chest, nuzzling her head against it. "Mm. I love it when a man takes charge of things…" Then she looks at the police officers. "Why are you here? I just wanted to have a little time alone with my Orochi-poo." The cops looked for a moment like they were going to be sick (and rightfully so. Orochimaru's nasty). The man relaxed behind her and she turned around, smiling slyly. "Orochimaru," She purred, and crooked a finger at him drawing him closer, to 'give him a kiss', which turned out to be her knee in his groin, then another one in the face when he doubled over in pain. He fell over backward, sprawled on the ground She then used the heel of her boot to stand on his throat…almost.

After the villain was pulled from under Hinata's boot and handcuffed, Sasuke and Naruto presented all of the evidence to the authorities. From the Harem to the test subjects and the Tunnel of Love, the man had a lot to answer for. Just before he was hauled away, he yelled, "And I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!"

* * *

Two weeks later…

"I'm so glad we got away from the rest of the group. They do go on, don't they?" Hinata leaned her head on Sasuke's shoulder as the previews started for the movie.

"Yes. Especially Naruto. He's quite annoying. Are you sure you didn't want to see a girl movie?" She laughed at him. "Really. If you want to trade our tickets in, it's fine with me."

Fixing him with a level gaze she said, "I've been wanting to see Kung Fu Hustle for months. Now I finally get to see it, and with my favorite person. Shut up and watch the previews." Then she leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He blushed. She didn't understand why.

"Oi! Is that an Uchiha I see?"

Sasuke groaned next to her. In an incredulous whisper, he said, "What is he doing here?" Both Sasuke and Hinata turned around. There, in the back row, were Naruto, Kiba, Kabuto, and Sakura. Sasuke rolled his eyes. For the next ten minutes, the group in the back row were cat-calling at them, and Sasuke sank farther and farther into his seat. "Next time, can we just rent a movie? This is embarrassing…"

Hinata leaned close to his ear and said, just as the opening theme music started, "No one is here but us and them. After the movie, I give you permission to smack Naruto as hard as you can, okay?" That made him perk up quite a bit. Most of the time, she forbade the two of them from fighting. That took a lot of willpower on both of their parts, it seemed.

The movie was wonderful. Or, the half of it they saw was wonderful. The special effects were fun, and the slapstick comedy was hilarious. Then, there was a loud sizzling sound, and the screen exploded. From the back row, there was a blood-curdling scream, and Hinata jumped up. She knew that scream. When they looked back, there was a group of six ninjas, dressed all in black, carrying Sakura out of the movie theater.

"Not again!" Hinata winced.

"This has happened before?" Sasuke asked, his eyebrows rising.

"She's ALWAYS getting caught, harassed, kidnapped, or something. The ninjas are new, though." They got up, and dragged a very distressed Naruto after them. Kabuto was way ahead of them, since Sakura _was_ his girlfriend. Kiba followed on his own. He mumbled something about them owing him an ounce after this.

The End?

* * *

**A/N:** Okay. Now, I know that this says The End, but it was really fun to write, so if anyone can come up with a Scooby-Doo-like scenario for the next "episode", then I'll be more than happy to dedicate about 4000-5000 words to it. Review, please. 


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